Monday, November 1, 2010

Ya'll Done Jumped the Peach, the Kudzu, AND the Georgia Bowl

I loathe the tackiness of American pop culture right now.  I should be on a T.V. fast as we speak.  But somehow, I just can't look away from the country boughetto (bougie/ghetto--thanks, Kandi!) MARTA trainwreck that is the Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Yes, I am a pegro who happens to tune in to NeNe and company faithfully.  I justify this vice by viewing it as a tragic comedy, a morality play on the perils of believing one's hype and living beyond your means.  If Shakespeare were alive today, I'm sure he would find the drama from RHOA's six females a font of matchless inspiration.   Random thought:  Could you imagine Kim onstage in a Shakespearean play, huge velvet robes, cig in the side of her mouth, a goblet of mead in hand?  Priceless. 

Anyway, a few weeks ago, I contemplated doing a post for an RHOA drinking game.  Take a swig every time Sheree mentions her fashion line...two when she says the word "fabulous" in relation to herself...  But I thought this post would be much more useful as an official notice to our southern sisters that last Monday's episode was the zenith of too-muchery.  Ya'll done jumped the peach, the kudzu, AND the Georgia Bowl.  There has to be a meta-dense black hole forming over Fulton County.

First, what can one say about Phaedra's self-thrown baby shower???  I'll attempt to itemize the insanity.  Over 100 attendees, forced to wear their Easter best, including Baptist churchlady hats...a pompous female judge as emcee of the festivities, acting as if she were announcing the arrival of Queen Elizabeth and a raised-from-the-dead Princess Di...FOUR ballet dancers performing a commemorative classical music...and, last but not least, the bride, I mean mother-to-be, eyelids bejewelled with rhinestones, random rosebuds scattered about her scalp and fake pony, performing some strange celebratory waltz with her unambiguously gay wedding shower planner--instead of her ex-con husband--while her castmates watched, mouths agape.  I guess the angels Dwight contacted to herald the blessed event were otherwise occupied.

Second, NeNe's nose job.  The queen of countrified self-esteem and calling everyone else out on their fakery (often in public, and very loudly, at that) gets a nose job just to cheer herself up?  Really?  Methinks she just ventured too far into the realm of #whitegirlproblems on this one, ensuring a downgrade to her platinum ghetto pass.

Third, Sheree's special friend, who isn't a boyfriend, but hasn't been dismissed yet.  Even so, you can't call them boyfriends when their scalp is winning the battle against their fade.  Shady, chauvinist, and just not cute.  What was she thinking? 

I don't have too much to say about Kim, and nothing to say about Cynthia and Kandi.  Kim's still her regular delusional self, back to justifying leeching off of married men.

In sum, the show needs something to rectify the ladies' fame-induced break with reality, or folks will change the channel.  Yes, I know that they've likely filmed the last ep of the season, but it had to be said.  It may be par for the game to be fake in "keeping it real," but some invisible line has been crossed.  My suggestion:  Send them on one of the girlfriend getaways as seen on the other RHs to get them away from the fishbowl of Atlanta foolishness.  Oh, and Phaedra should get the ax for next season...there isn't enough medication in the world to alleviate that swollen ego.  Hot air always equals dead weight.

No comments:

Post a Comment