Thursday, February 9, 2012

Emily Post Would Be Proud

My thumbs and I were locked in a searing debate earlier this week.

They were just itching to break one of the best-known rules of etiquette (and woman law, for that matter) via text.

From what I can recall, the argument went something like this:
"Girl, just ask her.  A quick text will do."
"No!  That would be soooooo wrong, and not to mention tactless and against all of the good southern manners that I was taught."
"Whatevs.  You saw the evidence."
"I'm going to need you to fall back.  She might have been having a bad day."
 "Having a bad day doesn't explain the lack of a relaxer.  Let us do our jobs."
 "Stop it!"
"You know she always talked about how she was heavily relaxer-dependent, and there are other signs."
 "I know, I know, but that isn't enough to justify asking THAT question.  There could be some hurt feelings.  I remember when an older, jealous cow cattily asked me the same question during the second semester of freshman year...yeah, I had probably gained a few pounds, and still looked good in my newfound thickness, but I wanted to stomp her.  She got an evil staredown and the frostiest 'No' that's ever emerged from these lips."
 "And?!  You've known this chick longer than you've known almost any of your other amigas in the city (well, not including those that you excommunicated for legitimate friendship sins at one point or another, anyway).  You've seen each other in some pretty hilarious and less than ladylike situations, so there shouldn't be any need to suddenly resort to royal protocol and tiptoe around the possibility of such a wonderful milestone in her life.  If the answer is no, you can laugh about it later."
"'Less than ladylike situations?'  I have no idea what you're talking about...those photos were 'accidentally' deleted, anyway.  My decision is final.  If my hunch is accurate, I'm sure she'll tell me soon enough.  It may be too early in the 'process' to even discuss the issue.  No need to act like the love child of Nancy Drew and Easy Rawlins for confirmation."
 "If you say so.  We're here when extreme curiosity finally overwhelms tact and you change your mind."

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